dusk. this past february. i'm driving on one of my favorite country roads not far from my house and a deer jumps right in front of me. i stop because i'm a peaceful deer lover and because if there's one --there's more. i flash my lights to warn the cars coming at me (and all the deer) and indeed more cross. i'm prepared to sit till i know for sure they've passed safely. for some reason i look over to the woods, off my right shoulder. and there she was. two feet from my car window... was an albino deer. she literally glowed and she seemed enormous. it felt like seeing god. like maybe you're not supposed to, but for some reason you are seeing god. she took off. i dreamt about her that night.
a few days later. dusk. same place. i saw her again.
next morning-- i'm awake in the wee hours of the morning and i think to myself...'self'...when do the deer run free? dusk and dawn. i take off in my pajamas with coffee and park the car and within minutes, she is there. she has twin babies. they are brown. she stands in the road while they cross. i feel stunned by the ways i already feel connected to her. i know where to find her. i know she is smart and a good mother. i know she, in a way, is a freak. not everyone can understand her. she has to be vigilant in her ability to protect herself. from the haters and the hunters.
you wanna know what's crazier than finding an albino deer? an amazing artist who had just moved to town, saw the albino deer many months before -five miles away. the deer actually slept in her yard for a few nights. i think i would have died happily right there. this artist and i had become fast friends before the albino deer. i report my sightings like an emergency and we get together for dinner to talk about her. rapid fire. we name her Nevada which means 'covered in snow'.
we talk about what it feels like to see her. we talk about the obsession with seeing her again and why it matters. we talk about how we worry about her safety. how we should move the road that she crosses twice a day! yes. we should move the road.
amazing artist is heather evans smith. she is accomplished and doesn't need a thing from me but she loves nevada too. we have declared a collaboration. searching for nevada. it's about the quest for beauty, spirituallity, peace, inspiration, and the creative connection to another...an idea, the natural world, the truest place within oneself, an albino deer. we don't know if it will be successful according to the typical measures of success. but we care only about the quest. to see her. to be fully present.
she is magic
s e a r c h i n g